… The last thing I needed to buy for my holiday was a book. I was looking for something gentle, funny, and clever. As I am not a novel reader, (I admit, I am a nerd) some gentle life psychology with some intelligent humour was my holiday reading aim. After a long scrolling on Amazon, here it was - a book exploring women’s busy lives. “Yes, this book was talking about me”. It seemed like a perfect holiday reading for me. But the truth was somewhat different…
You probably wonder why on earth I am telling you this. That's a good question! This book purchase was the last token that encouraged me to write this blog - a blog about our world ‘prescribed by shaming’.
Don’t get me wrong, I have thought about writing this for a long time but reading this book (which I don’t want to name) has certainly moved me from thinking to typing. Yet another book seemed to imply that if you are not healthy, wealthy, happy, content, beautiful, successful, popular, and all the other labels we expect to be, you are not trying hard enough or using your hard life as an excuse! Ouch!
As a humble reader, I felt showered by shaming by the author’s approach to motivation. Shaming for not being yet super-healthy, wealthy, happy, content, beautiful, successful, popular…, and even more – for excusing myself in the process of my failing! My busy life was my fault too! For a moment I felt a bit bruised, but I continued reading (“Perhaps the author was right”, I thought) until I reached a new chapter titled something on a note: “But don’t worry, you can become a better person with a better life.” !!!
This was the time to put the book down and think independently: “Breathe and think, Lenka! Breath and think!”
My first thought was loud and clear: “Motivation by shaming is not motivation but bullying!” (Phew, I was back! My independent thinking was back!)
It is so easy to get caught in someone else’s thinking. After all, we endlessly face the ‘hidden’ pressure to think the way we should be thinking. And if you don’t think the way it is required, you will be shamed and named.
I can’t help myself but ask:
“Is this really inclusion?”
“Is this supposed to make us happy?”
“Am I only good enough if I think the way the mainstream tells me to?”
The answer to all the above is:
“A simple NO!”
I hope this has helped you to stop for a moment and reflect on how you see the world around you. Is it ‘allowing’ you to be the person you genuinely want to be, and do things you want to do without feeling judged or shamed?
I’d love to hear from you. Leave a message in the comments.
Look out for the next post - Motivation by Shaming: Are We Truly Happy?
A great blog, thought provoking. Thanks for posting, it is something I am going to explore, and be aware of.